fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
