Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize