She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
