Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
