Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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