Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
