so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
