On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
