If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
