If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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