I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
