peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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