Already got asked if we're dating
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
