I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
