she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
