dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
