never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
