I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
