If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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