Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
