we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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