just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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