And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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