and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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