I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize