I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
