Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
