Just fell off a train. Bad.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
