Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
