She said her name was "party"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
