I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
