fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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