No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
