you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
