I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
