the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize