I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
