aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
