she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
