My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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