I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
