If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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