I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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