college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
