I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
