dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
