I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
