If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
