theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
