Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
