Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
