why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
