i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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