even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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