Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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