The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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