Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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