he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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