Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
