You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
