i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
