After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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