i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
