I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
