Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
